Total Drama Road Trip
by Slendie258
Summary: The producers give season six the all clear and Chris and Chef are the hosts once again and every contestant must compete once again, on a road trip across Canada and America!
1. Chapter 1

_It's simple_, Chris thought, _I just gotta find a way to get every contestants on a road trip across America, seems easy enough, I hope. _The famous host of Total Drama had been tasked with hosting the sixth season of the show; they had also put him in charge of acquiring the contestants, not easy considering they all lived in the far corners of Canada. He picked up his mobile and dialled a number.

"What do you want!" Chef bellowed down the line, making Chris flinch, "I'm trying to wank here!" Chef stated as Chris screwed his face up in disgust,

"Didn't need to know that," Chris winced, "Anyway, season six is a go, I need knock-out gas pronto, meet me at my cottage," Chris promptly hung up and walked over to his desk where he sat down and began crazily drawing plans for capturing the thorns in his side over the past few years. While his pencil flew around the page rapidly the doorbell rang, making Chris jump and causing him to draw a large line across his page. Chris breathed deeply and stormed over to the door and flung it open.

"WHAT THE HELL?!" He screamed, waving his arms about wildly, "YOU MADE ME RUIN ALL MY HARD WORK!" Chris brought his paper from the table and thrusted it in the visitors face.

"That's just some squiggles," Chef deadpanned as he strode into Chris's cottage. "Here's your knock-out gas," Chef said placing the canisters on a coffee table, "What else do you need me to do, I'm here now." Chfe looked quite upset that Chris called him out during his 'me time'

"Well, you need to help me capture the contestants so that the contest is a go, or we don't get payed," Chris said enthusiastically while Chef glared at him,

"Speaking of getting paid," Chef's took a step to Chris, "I still haven't got my paycheck for season one, two, three, four and five," Chef seemed to be twice as tall as Chris cowered in fear. A trickling sound was heard as a wet patch formed in Chris's pants causing the egotistical host to blush red with embarrassment. Chef guffawed as he saw Chris's predicament.

"Now that is funny, now give me my paycheck," Chef demanded as Chris nodded over and over before running off to some part of his house. Chef just sat on the couch and turned on the TV and began to watch his favorite TV program.

* * *

Chris walked through his house grumbling madly, he now had to splash some of his cash to shut Chef up and he also had to change his pants, lucky him.

"For fucks sake, stupid fucking co-host, he has no fucking respect for people who are better looking then him," Chris ranted to himself as he stormed into his carpeted room. He opened various sets of drawers, wardrobes and other hidey holes where he kept his money and scraped together money to pay Chef with the money he desired and got out a new pair of pants, quickly changing he ran back downstairs where Chef was nervously staring at a blank screen, his hand on the remote.

"Here's your fucking money," Chris grumbled, throwing bundles of money into Chef's face. The cook began to count the money and nodded,

"Well done pretty boy, you managed to pay someone," he chuckled before pulling Chris's laptop onto his lap and wiggling the mouse.

"Hey what are you doing?" Chris asked, as Chef typed stuff onto the laptop,

"I'm finding out where the contestants are so we can catch them for next season," Chef replied as if Chris was as dumb as a potato,

"Oh." Chris said, "Well keep looking," Chris replied, trying to get back from his stupidity. As Chef searched Chris went to grab a glass of water from the kitchen. Pulling a glass from a cupboard he quickly ran the cool water into the glass and gulped it down hungrily. Setting down the glass he heard giggling from somewhere in the room. "Chef?" Chris asked worriedly as grabbed a ladle for self defense, "Is that you?" Chris quickly pulled open a cupboard door, ladle at the ready... Only to be met with nothing.

Chris continued searching over the kitchen until he heard creaking behind him, he saw Izzy, slowly trying to creep up on him. The red head snapped her fingers and groaned,

"Darn," she said before laughing, "Oh well, I'll do better next time," Chris saw this as a perfect chance to capture Izzy so he took the ladle in his hand and attempted to bash Izzy's head. He hit her with the deep spoon and all Izzy did was cackle madly.

"CHEF!" Chris screamed as he tried to knock Izzy unconscious, "GET THE GAS!" he demanded as Izzy kept laughing while he pounded her with the ladle. Chef stomped into the room and pulled Chris out before throwing the canister into the room which unleashed the gas. Izzy soon fell down with a thump and Chef went in and threw her over his shoulder and placed her in a sack and placing her in a storage box.

"That's one down," Chef said dusting his hands and Chris looked very happy.

"It's all thanks to the most amazing thing since sliced bread, Chris McLean," the host announced, puffing out his chest. Chef just shook his head, knowing it was best to let him have his moment. "So Chef," Chris said, turning to his co-host, "How have you been in the search for other contestants?"

"Well," Chef began, "I found at that all the contestants happen to live in the same neighborhood as you so we might as well catch them now."

"Great, TO THE CHRISMOBILE!" Chris announced as he ran off to his car with Chef following him, carrying Izzy, and the knock-out gas while shaking his head.

* * *

Mal was having sex with Duncan in his room. Duncan was on all fours, his ass up in the air while Mal pounded into him relentlessly. Duncan gripped the sheets as he felt Mal cum into his ass and he couldn't help but moan as he felt the warm liquid explore every crevice of his cavity. Mal flipped Duncan over and shoved his now flaccid penis into the delinquent's face.

"Suck it sweetie," Mal demanded as Duncan begrudgingly took the limp dick in his mouth as began to suck on it while Mal moaned. "This why I am so glad that bastard Mike managed to force me out of his body and into my own, I wouldn't be able to fuck you senseless when ever I want then." Mal admitted while Duncan rolled his eyes which Mal noticed, making him sleep Duncan's cheek, "Don't be cheeky sweetie," Mal scolded as he moaned, feeling his cock harden from Duncan.

"I might as well pleasure you as well then," Mal sighed as he took Duncan's penis in his own hand and pumped it while his own was being sucked. Duncan moaned around Mal's penis which caused the ex personality to moan deeply. Both of them soon reached orgasm together, midway through it a canister rolled into the room, knocking them both out as the came together.

Chef walked into the room and bagged them both before putting them into the box and driving off with Chris.

* * *

Meanwhile down the road a similar situation was happening between Gwen and Courtney, however it was slightly different as Courtney was simply Catatonic as Gwen humped her, their naked bodies being forced together harshly by the obsessive goth. Gwen was reaching around the room for a specific toy while she humped the poor CIT over and over again.

Finding the toy, which just happened to be a purple dildo, Gwen smirked before she strapped it onto herself and began to thrust into the girl. Courtney simply stared into the wall as Gwen just thrusted into her pussy, moaning as she did so. After a couple of minutes, Gwen noticed Courtney's expression hadn't changed at all for the last hour.

"You alright babe?" Gwen asked concerned as she stopped thrusting for a moment and lifted Courtney's chin up so she could see her face. Before anything else could happen, the knock-out gas canister rolled into the room; both girls were promptly knocked out and dragged out by Chef.

"That's five down, so many more to go," Chris groaned as Chef drove,

"You haven't done anything," Chef retorted as he pulled up at their next destination.

* * *

Heather was filing her nails while Alejandro flicked through a newspaper while sitting on a leather couch. Occasionally Alejandro would scoff and one of the articles in the newspaper while Heather just complained about how shit her life was after everything that happened. While they were moaning about various things, the gas came into the room and knocked them out cold. Chef then picked them up and shoved them into sacks while Chris collected Harold from next door.

While Chef was walking out Alejandro's house, Chris came out with a squirming sack which contained Harold.

"Gosh, have you no idea how to properly administer knock-out gas, you twist the top before throwing it into the room, IDIOT!" Harold lectured the host who groaned as he struggled to keep Harold in the sack.

"No one cares," Chris complained as he threw Harold in the box that was seemingly tiny but managed to contain all of the contestants they had captured so far. "Phew," Chris sighed as he wiped a bead of sweat from his forehead, "This is hard work,"

"You ain't done nothin," Chef complained to the host while Harold's annoying voice was once again heard,

"GOSH, stop being stupid, yo used a double negative, IDIOT!" Chef just grunted before whacking Harold over the head with a shovel, causing him to lose consciousness,

"That God for that," Chris sighed as Trent stormed up to the duo,

"WHY HAVEN'T I BEEN CAPTURED!" He screamed "I CAN TELL YOU HAVE EIGHT PEOPLE, COME CAPTURE ME!" the nine cultist demanded as Chef shrugged and bagged him up and threw him into the box.

"That was easy," he said before jumping into the car, "Onwards to the next unlucky soul."

* * *

TA DA! #INTRO! Yeah this is going to be weird, it's like a competition fic but will focus more on the story aspect of it all, look at RedEyedWarrior and I'll Cover Angel and Collins's Total Drama Prison and imagine a not as good version like this. I'm not going to capture everyone on screen because that would be boring, but every contestant, plus Mal because Malcan is too funny to pass up will be in it yadda yadda, very OOC yadda yadda, R&R and don't forget to favorite.


	2. Welcome to the caoch

Disclaimer: I don't own Total Drama, accept that.

* * *

Eva woke up to sheer darkness, she was bound at the wrists, legs and chest and could barely move due to being in an extremely enclosed space. The strong woman tried to break out of her confines but only succeeded in chafing her skin which just made things uncomfortable. Eva tried to kick, punch and headbutt her way out but all efforts were useless and so she resorted to threatening her kidnapper.

"LET ME GO!" she shouted, "I SAID LET ME GO OR I WILL RIP OUT YOUR WIND PIPE!"

"It's called a trachea gosh, teens these days are so uneducated," Harold lectured as Eva growled,

"HAROLD WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE!" She shouted as Harold grumbled,

"How am I supposed to know, all I remember is Chris and Chef kidnapping me like idiots!" Harold said, offended by Eva's idiocy.

"McLean," Eva said menacingly, her voice no more than a whisper. "MCLEAN LET ME OUT OF HERE, MY THREAT STILL STANDS!" She resorted to thrashing about as Jo grumbled underneath Eva's body.

"Can you please stop thrashing about," she replied groggily, "Wait, why am I in the dark, LET ME OUT OR I'LL TEAR OFF YOUR DICK!" she threatened as Harold sighed,

"It's correct terminology is penis, gosh, you're such an idiot Jo, and what if our assailant had been a girl, it isn't but what if it had, that would be highly offensive, curse you and your impolitically correct views," Harold lectured as Jo barked,

"Just shut up."she said as the sound of trickling was heard and a wet patch formed next to Eva's head.

"Sorry," Brick apologised, "I'm scared of the dark," he sounded apologetic but Eva just screamed,

"I WILL HAVE YOUR HEAD ON A PIKE FOR THIS!" she screamed as Jo laughed,

"Oh wow, well done brick for brains, you succeed in making She-Hulk angry, you have doomed us all," Jo said, rather melodramatically as Brick began to cry,

"I'm sorry," he bawled as Zoey came to along with Mike.

"Oh," Zoey said, "It appears I am trapped in this incredibly tight, almost inescapable bindings, no worries, I am a Mary-Sue and have God-Like powers therefore I shall be able to escape them no problem." She announced triumphantly as Mike chirped in,

"And I'm her Gary-Stu boyfriend who is incredibly offensive with my portrayal of MPD." Every awake cast member groaned as Jo tried to block out the Mary-Sue ness.

"Just shut the fuck up," she said, trying but failing to cover her ears. Humping was heard and everyone awake correctly guessed it was Gwen, this was shortly followed by Courtney's whimpers which were heard from nearer the bottom of the location the cast members were trapped in, "And goth girl's molesting buddy has finally been awoken.

"SHA LIGHTNING!" The voice had come from the resident idiot jock, AKA Lightning, "Wait a sha-minute, something is sha-wrong here and Sha Lightning needs to sha-figure it out," Lightning, unbeknownst to everyone else, looked very thoughtful for once,

"And while Jockstrap figures that one out, anyone know where we are?" Jo asked as she fidgeted uncomfortably, forcibly waking up Heather who was below her.

"WHERE THE FUCK AM I?!" she screamed at no one in particular,

"SOMEONE GO BACK TO SLEEP!" Trent demanded,

"WHY?!" Eva screamed,

"THERE NEEDS TO BE NINE PEOPLE AWAKE!"

"NO ONE CARES!"

"I DO!"

"YOUR POINT IS!"

"THE NINE GOD WILL SEND US TO THE LAND OF HELL TEN!"

"I DON'T CARE!

"WHERE AM I?!" Heather screamed, slotting herself into the shouting match.

"Ooooh it's nighttime," Lindsay said before light snoring was heard signifying that she was asleep.

"Perfect, now someone else go to sleep," Trent urged as Zoey took this opportunity to show off her Mary-Sueness.

"I will, I'm a Mary-Sue so I have to do this so we become friends," she said as she then fell asleep like Lindsay.

"PERFECT!" Trent shouted which awoke everyone as soon as some of them had fallen asleep.

"Where am I?" Dakota began,

"Where's my games?" Sam said, audible worry in his voice.

"WHERE'S MY CODYKINS?!" Sierra screeched, "OR MY CAMMYKINS?!" quickly following the previous statement with a second best.

"How do I know?" Duncan said next to her, in pain from the loud noise.

"I never asked your opinion," Sierra spat as everyone heard Chris and Chef's voices from outside the containment.

"Can't we let them they're annoying me," Chris whined as Chef grumbled to himself and lifted the chest's lid. "How did we fit them all in there in the first place?" Chris asked as he looked down at the many sacs below him.

"I dunno," Chef shrugged as he and Chris began to haul all of the sacs the ground where they had a coach next to them. The coach was white with Chris's face on and the Total Drama logo as well. The dup began work on letting the contestants free; they started with the more docile campers, such as Beth and Lindsay and left some of the more violent personas in their sacs a little while longer.

The hosting dup stood over the last sac, sweating bullets as it contained a seemingly too calm Eva.

"What if she tears out my wind pipe?" Chris asked nervously, looking at his co-host.

"It's a trachea gosh you idiot," Harold berated the narcissistic man who just sighed,

"Better get this over with," Chris reached down and untied the sac which revealed Eva, who looked at Chris with calm eyes. Chris looked unnerved and undid the bonds around her chest, then legs and finally her hands. Eva just stood up and walked to the other campers and stood normally, no anger on her face. "That was anticlimactic, luckily," Chris sighed, wiping a bead of sweat off his forehead and looking at the campers. "So I take it you know why you are here,"

"No." Noah replied bluntly,

"Well it's simple, we are here for season six, Pahkitew Island hasn't happened yet so we thought to add a quick season before then." Chris explained, "This here," he gestured to the coach, "Is your form of transport, it's a coach because we are going on a road trip across Canada and America, Northern of course." Everyone looked a little shocked,

"Wow, Chris, please tell me this season won't be too long," Bridgette said, "I promised my friends I would help them at the animal shelter for a whole month in October."

"It's going to end around November maybe," Chris smirked, "Welcome to showbiz honey," Bridgette looked annoyed as Geoff put a comforting arm around Bridgette's shoulder.

"It's alright babe, be chill," Geoff said as Bridgette's features softened and Chris continued his explanation.

"Now there are thirty-nine of you therefore you cannot be properly split into teams, so one team gets an extra person," Chris said as Heather looked appalled,

"That is completely unfair," she said,

"And if you are on the team with the extra person?" Chris asked, smirking again,

"Well I might let it slide then," Heather said with a slightly less stern look.

"Now the teams, can you step to the left please if I call your name. Heather, Geoff, Lindsay, Katie, Sadie, Zoey, Mike, Owen, DJ, Sam, Eva, Brick, Beth, Cody, Sierra," Chris added a massive smirk on his face at this as Sierra's eyes widened and Cody's face dropped like a brick. "Noah, Courtney, Alejandro and finally, B." Chris finished as everyone who had been called shuffled to the left, while Courtney was carried by Zoey. "And so that means, Gwen, Duncan, Izzy, Trent, Leshawna, Mal, Dakota, Scott, Bridgette, Cameron, Anne Maria, Tyler, Jo, Justin, Dawn, Ezekiel, Blaineley, Lightning and you poor souls also get Harold _and_ Staci, I feel you guys," Chris said, almost sympathetically as everyone shuffled to the right.

"I don't like my team," Heather said, "Can I swap?

"No." Chris replied flatly, "Now the team names, because I can do whatever the fuck I want on this show now because the producers changed it from child to adult target audience, and you guys are all eighteen now.

"Um, I'm seventeen," Dawn said quietly,

"I don't care," Chris said, "Your names have a more, adult theme to them, the left team, you are, the Sex Gods, and the team on the right, are the Shit Stains," You are named those because Courtney is on the Sex Gods and everyone bar maybe one or two on the other team have really bad track records, so it's an easy choice." Chris explained his reasonings while the members of team Shit Stain looked highly offended, while the Sex Gods looked just mildly offended.

"You piece of shit," Blaineley said angrily, "I am one of the best players in the this fucked up game,"

"Um, no I think you'll find you are a piece of shit, the team name says so." Chris said childishly sticking out his tongue.

"Hurry up Chris, thirty minute show," Chef urged as he walked towards the coach and opened the doors, Chris and the contestants walked in with Chef right behind them.

"This is the coach where you will spend the majority of your time in, on your right is the crap side of the cabin, which for some reason, isn't reached by the air con and the heaters are on full blast 24/7 for some crazy fucked up reason, oh and the seats are raw wood so try not to get splinters in your ass," Chris cautioned as everyone looked determined to not lose, for fear of being an overly sweaty splintered mess. "And on the left, is the awesome side of the cabin, fully air conditioned, has plush cushioned seats, free complimentary drinks, food entertainment, the whole sha-bam really. Oh and I never thought Mal would be in this game so two of you will have to share we really lucked out on this thing, little Chinese children are really good builders." Chris explained.

"Well seen as it my fault this happened I volunteer to share my seat until our first elimination ceremony," Mal said as everyone accepted it and Chris explained more details.

"Ok, so as I prefer the Sex Gods they get the nice side, and the Shit Stains get the shit side, our first stop will be soon, hopefully," Chris said as everyone went and took there seats, the Sex Gods all looked happy at being in the nice side, while the Stains looked very aggravated that just because Chris's bitch was on the other team they get the nice cabin. Mal dragged Duncan to a seat and perched the delinquent on his lap, wrapping his arms around the boys waist while Gwen was about to cry.

"COURTNEY!" She screeched as a soundproof black screen was placed between the two sides so that no conferring could occur. For the first time in many weeks, Courtney smiled, blinked and moved.

"I'M FREE!" She declared happily, "Now my fellow teammates, " she gestured to her team, "Don't fuck this up or I will eliminate you then sue you for all that you own so you live in a cardboard box, and then I will sue you out of the cardboard box," Courtney said threateningly, most of the team didn't give a toss about what the CIT was saying, but the more easily scared people were listening intently, "And get me skittles, I want them,"

* * *

Well that is Chapter 2, it is another prologue type chapter so it isn't made to be miles long but it's was funny, i hop, this is M rated for a reason AKA sex, language violence, the likes, so you have been warned, hopefully it was ok, read and review and please have a nice life.


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